Resignation

Screw you, scoliosis! You annoying, painful, and irreversible medical condition! What in the world am I supposed to do about you?! You have haunted me since I could verbalize discomfort but remained undiagnosed until sophomore year of high school, but definitely not unnoticed during that time period. I have never been able to tolerate long car rides because of you, the two least favorite curves in the body (as if one uncomfortable kink in my spine would not be enough!). Because of you I cannot sit for more than a few minutes without my back aching or cramping. Not being able to bend a four or five inch section of my back is also super helpful, thanks to you, curve number 2. And curve number one? I don’t exactly enjoy you always causing me to have a slight tilt to the right. Despite your valiant efforts to keep me crooked, thank God I have learned to at least fake a curve the other way well enough so that most of the time I don’t appear as if I’m standing on a hill.

And watching movies or sitting in class comfortably with you constantly nagging at me? I guess I can just forget that all together. Forever I will have to tolerate excusing myself from dinners, movies, lectures, car rides and plane flights, just so I can get up and go stretch out my back. And if I don’t, I can just take my other option, moving constantly to sit in different positions so my legs don’t go numb. Wonderful. I guess you want the world to perceive that I am rude, leaving conversations mid-stream, or that I am not paying attention to anyone, just fidgeting constantly.

And as for you forcing me to quit gymnastics, the sport that I loved doing for 13 years? That is probably my biggest problem with you lately. How dare you keep me from something I love to do and miss every day? Not only have you now inconvenienced me in my day to day life, but you’ve the line into changing my life’s routine entirely & altering the only lifestyle I’ve known since I was five. I miss my friends and coaches at my gym, and seeing them outside of workouts just isn’t the same (trust me, I’ve tried that). No longer can I call myself a gymnast. I just have to categorize myself with all of those ex gymnasts, who are usually injured, but at least they have a cool story to go along with it. Oh, and I don’t appreciate you, scoliosis, being influenced so strongly by my gymnast build and muscles (or should I say, former gymnast build and muscles), because now I have to let those muscles go—just watch them wither away so that I can wait to “rebuild” them into a better position to help support my spine into a more normal shape. I really love losing the only body shape I’ve known since I was five and having to buy a new wardrobe because I’ve lost so much muscle, just so I can attempt to contend with your aggravating symptoms through physical therapy.

And the fact that this is hereditary? That makes me even more angry, because I know my kids will possibly have to deal with this. So, scoliosis curves one and two, I resign. You win. You will always be in my life; but I will not, to the best of my ability, let you control it.